Kelly Counselor's Conversations

A discussion about life and how school counseling fits into it all

Transference Issues

on July 20, 2013

I never grew up with a large amount of friends.

Sure, I wanted more, as any kid, tween, and teenager does, but girls that speak their mind aren’t exactly the center of attention at that age (sadly, it doesn’t get you many dates either). The biggest compliment my current friends give me is that I’m authentic, never changing who I am and how I act from context to context. I pride myself on this.

But for a long time, I felt it was a curse.

From being chased on the playground and called “egghead”, to being ditched by best friends because I wasn’t “cool enough”, I’ve had my fair share of cruelty. It wasn’t until my mid-20’s that I found a core group of female friends I could trust. Hanging out with guys just became easier.

I knew in my first year as a school counselor I had transference when talking to girls that were excluding and just being mean at my school. It’s still something I have to be ever-present and aware when I’m dealing with this issue. And it’s the reason girl empowerment is one of the biggest passions I have.

I was thrilled to bring Girls On The Run to my school last year; all 16 girls on my team reported enjoying the program and feeling like they could “be themselves” and were “not judged” around the other girls.  What a rarity for nine and ten-year olds nowadays.

Reading “Odd Girl Out” by Rachel Simmons has also helped me better understand how the socialization of young girls leads to an avoidance of speaking their true feelings, which often then leads to relational aggression and even bullying in many instances.  But knowledge for knowledge’s sake is not enough.  Other than an impactful 10-week program, I wonder what else I’m really doing other than putting band-aids on a very relevant and constant issue.  I suppose I’ll keep searching (and finish the book, while I’m at it.).

I wish all my girls could know this, feel this, and truly believe this NOW:

I'm perfect

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2 responses to “Transference Issues

  1. Vickie says:

    I identify with so much. I am a school counselor in a small private elementary/middle school and there were moments when I was reliving some school angst from my past school years.

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